Since our sexual intimacy is Holy it needs to be treated as such. It is a precious gift for the one we marry and ultimately a gift for Jesus:
Give honour to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.
Heb 13:4a
You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride
SoS 4:12a
If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower.
But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.
I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers . When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.
SoS 8:9-10 NLT
We see this in Scripture: it is not prudish but it does treat sexuality with respect. It uses "to know" (yada) for sexual intercourse in marriage as a reflection of the deepest unity. And "to lie down" (shakav), "stretch out" (raba) or "crouch down" (kara) for non-marital sex. Also genitals are never mentioned explicitly but are alluded to instead. For example “thigh” (yārēk) in Gen 24:2 in Gen 47:29 and Num 5:22 used for testicles*, “feet” (regel in Isa 7:20, and perhaps also in Ruth...) for a man's genitalia.
Before we apply this second principle to real life situations we’re again going to spend a little time reflecting on the inheritance we’ve received from our parents and the church about the holiness of our sexuality:
How was the holiness of sexuality conveyed to you by your parents and/or the church?
Was it communicated as a beautiful thing of intimacy and our future marriage to Christ or as something shameful?
How did that make you feel about sexually intimacy?
Satan is the "father of lies" (Jn 8:44) who seeks to "steal and kill and destroy" (Jn 10:10).
Ask the Holy Spirit to highlight specific occasions where you believed a lie.
We need to replace lies with truth so that we can be transformed (Rom 12:2) and that truth will set us free (Jn 8:32).
Ask Jesus, the truth, to speak the truth about his holy gift into each of these situations.
How have these lies affected your marriage and your response to your children’s sexuality?
Ask the Father to restore what has been lost and make it new (Isa 61).
Finally, if there is some shame or unconfessed sin in your past that is affecting your marriage and your responses to your children then confess it and receive the Father’s forgiveness, asking him to “cut off” any joinings and restore your whole self for your (future) spouse.
My prayer for you is that our glorious God meets with you and bring you healing and transformation.
After this it important to maintain and walk in the freedom you have received and how we act flows out of what we believe ("For as he thinks in his heart so is he" Prov 7:23a NKJV). One way to help you replace core beliefs is to write down the truths that you have learned and declare them aloud as faith comes by hearing the word of God (Rom 10:17). In the same way when Jesus was being attacked about his identity ("if you are the Son of God") he quoted scripture out loud (Mat 4:3, 6).
If you need further help then I do recommend a Sozo, or Restoring the Foundations, Freedom in Christ or liebusters.org as helpful ministries. Take the time to do this because as I've said before - we can't pass on wholeness if we ourselves are not whole. We're seeking restoration for our children and future generations. We are making a stand now that will impact the rest of our family line.
Feel free to comment below or if you prefer to ask something privately then do contact us via our website.
Next time we will apply both principles to common scenarios faced when parenting.
*placing a hand on the testicles of the person was a solemn oath. It's where we get the word "testify" from. You'll probably never be able to use that word in the same way again. Sorry about that.
