Godly Sexuality: Christian sexuality

Showing posts with label Christian sexuality. Show all posts

Thursday, 25 May 2017

How to stop looking at women lustfully part 2 (godly desire)

In our previous post on this topic we looked at three steps to dealing with lust:

Acknowledge it, but realise that the woman is a shadow of who our hearts are really looking for.
Realise we have a higher calling: we men are made to love women sacrificially like Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25), we are called to give (love) not take (lust).
Act according to our calling by praying blessing on the woman we see. For example "Father, I thank you for this beautiful woman. I thank you that you have made her to be loved and cherished. I ask that you would pour out your blessing on her, that she would become aware of your presence, that she would find her value in your love and not how she looks...."

In this second post on this topic we look at how to prevent lust entering into our relationships with women in our Church.

For three years I led an organic church which ministered to those broken by traditional church. I had the honour of serving a number of young beautiful women. With one woman in particular she needed much prayer, counselling and support on her journey to wholeness and I soon realised that an attraction was growing within me.

This was not surprising due to the amount of time I was spending with her and the prayer counselling process which forms a bond between spirits. It was becoming distracting and was starting to interfere with my ability to serve her. But yet I was praying for her like I mentioned above. So what was I to do?

There's this great passage in 1 Timothy that holds the key:

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."
1 Tim 5:1-2 (emphasis mine)

We were family! As someone much younger and in my care, she was my spiritual daughter and I was her father. Once I saw this truth it started to change how I related to her. I started relating as a father loving his daughter rather than a man relating to an attractive woman. I started calling her my "daughter-in-Christ" to help outwork this view into our relationship and my mind.

The desire that I had felt inside me began to be transformed now I knew where it was to be focussed. The sexual energy that God had given me as a man was now channelled to the correct godly destination. No longer was it being hijacked by the worldly view that it must always result in physical gratification.

It was such a delight to love her as a father and seek her mature into a woman of God and the delight and pride I felt at her wedding to a godly man was overwhelming.

The phrase "brothers and sisters" occurs more than 100 times in the New Testament which speaks of the reality of our new relationships in Christ. In addition, Paul called Timothy his son (1 Cor 4:17, 1 Tim 1:2a; 1:18, 2 Tim 1:2a; 2:1, Tit 1:4, Phile 1:10) as did Peter call Mark (1 Pet 5:13). Paul also treated the Thessalonians as his children (1 Thess 2:11).

So may you start calling the women in your church your sisters (or if you're much older like I was, your daughters) and see your relationships transformed as your sexual desires find their true purpose in Christ. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

Sunday, 1 January 2017

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Gender differences the key to understanding God's nature (Godly Sexuality)

In previous posts we have seen that male and female together make up the full image of God and so both are needed if we are to glorify God. We also saw that they are created different and yet designed to become one to represent the tri-unity of our Three-in-One God.

We also saw that God in His wisdom did not create male and female the same so that we are dependent on each other to see our blind spots and so we need to honour the differences.

In this post we look at how God also separated Adam into male and female to embody the polarity of His character.

A God of opposites

Have you ever struggled to understand God? Have you ever struggled to assimilate the seeming contradictions/polarity in His nature? For example:

How can He both far above all creation (transcendant) and yet live within us (immanent)?
How can He be a terrifying consuming fire and yet beautiful?
How can He be a mighty warrior and yet the Prince of Peace?
How can He be both judge and the source of grace?
How can He be both working and resting?
How can He be outside of time (the initiator) yet responsive to our free will?

This is so hard to understand that we can find ourselves just focussing on one of the aspects (eg His grace) to the exclusion of the other (eg His judgement). But this then means that we are not seeing his fullness and we have to ignore or "explain away" passages that don't fit our view (eg we only recite Ex34:6-7a “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” and omit the rest of verse 7: “Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”).

The names we use to describe these opposing/polar characteristics of God are masculinity (transcendant, consuming fire, warrior, judge, doing, initiator) and femininity (immanence, beauty, peace, grace, being, responsive).

Sex: A Creation of opposites

Now since Creation makes God’s divine nature known (Rom 1:20), we would expect this polarity to be reflected throughout Creation and this is evident in the two sexes of (nearly) all creatures; male and female.

Since mankind is made in the image of God we would expect to see this polarity most especially prominent here:

...God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Gen 1:27 NKJV)

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable (neged) for him.” (Gen 2:18 emphasis mine)

The difference between male and female is expressed most clearly through the Hebrew word translated “suitable” (NIV, NASB) or “comparable” (NKJV) or “fit” (ESV). The word neged נֶגֶד means “part opposite; specifically a counterpart”, “what is in front of, corresponding to” or “opposite to each other are set things to be compared” . The root of this word is nagad נָגַד which means “to be conspicuous, tell, make known” , “to bring to the light” “to stand boldly out opposite” .

“Masculine and feminine can be understood only in terms of each other; basically they are opposite and complementary qualities. They are like darkness and light. It is very hard to understand darkness except in terms of light, and light except in terms of darkness. They are two extremes on a continuum.” Robert Siegel

Since our physical bodies make visible our invisible God, then the transcendent masculine and feminine aspects of God (who is Spirit) are expressed through the physical separation of Adam into the male and female sexes.

“The masculine can only be understood in relation to the feminine...One gives meaning to the other.” Alan Medinger

It was only after this separation that Adam recognised his true counterpart "This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!" (Gen 2:23a) it is only then after naming (which in the Hebrew culture means understanding their nature) all the animals, that he finally understands who he is and can name his split self "she shall be called woman ('ishshah),for she was taken out of man ('iysh)" (Gen 2:23b). He exists now in two complementary parts that require each other to make sense and we created two but belong together as one:

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”(Gen 2:24 emphasis mine)

Only when a man and woman come together in unity can we truly see the full image of God. Only when the masculine and feminine are both expressed and honoured in the marriage relationship or in the body of Christ or in society will we see God.

If we suppress the feminine then we have a God who initiates but is far off, holy, judgemental and we get a religion of works. If we suppress the masculine then we have a God who is peaceful, one with nature, all about relationship and accepting of everyone without requiring any change. Clearly neither is better than the other as neither represents the full nature of God:

“[The devil] always sends errors into the world in pairs--pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worse. You see why, of course? He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one.” (CS Lewis)

But if God is both masculine and feminine why is He principally described in masculine terms?

This is a good question and will be addressed in a future post. Suffice to say, because of the meaning of gender that we have just begun to unpack, God is so masculine that we all are feminine in relation to Him.” (CS Lewis) This is why the Church is described as the Bride of Christ.

War on gender is a war on the nature of God

There is an enemy who seeks to distort the nature of God. He started back in the Garden of Eden with "did God really say?" (Gen 3:1) and hasn't stopped since. He is the anti-Christ who seeks to destroy anything that glorifies Jesus and this will include mankind who is made in the image of God. In particular, since the marriage of male and female is a prophetic declaration about the nature of a our Three-in-One God then there is war on marriage.

I want to take time to quickly look at three worldviews which seek to destroy the image of God:

The first is that the physiological and psychological differences in men and women are simply a consequence of evolution and therefore merely a by-product of survival. For example, men were hunters so are strong and have focussed vision and so on, whereas women were gatherers and hence notice colour hues and have a wider field of vision.

Such reductionist thinking not only removes the glory of the differences but leads us to think that the differences are dispensable in the modern age where we have moved beyond such struggles. We cannot agree with a view that says their purpose is merely to survive (ie be independent of God) as we believe their principle purpose as image-bearers is to glorify God.

The second worldview advocated by the women’s liberation movement is that all differences (other than reproduction) between the sexes are merely socially constructed. This is understandable view - after being made to feel inferior rather than being respected as equal and valuable image bearers - saying that there is no difference would therefore imply equality.

But such a view not only ignores the evidence from neuroscience and the commonality of gender behaviours and roles common to all civilisations throughout history, it also rejects the expression of differences that glorify God. Worse since it postulates that men created these roles to denigrate women, it demonises the masculine traits (such as competitiveness) and falls into the equal and opposite error trap quoted above.

"Contrary to the world's view, however, the 'battle of the sexes' is not between the man and the woman, one trying to dominate the other - but rather between God and the self-centred desires of the 'flesh' in both man and woman." Gordon Dalbey

Equality does not require uniformity nor is it desirable. For example as a parent I desire to love all of my children equally – but I wouldn’t want to remove their differences to ensure that were the case. To do so would destroy something that is integral to their very being. So too with gender. Yes men and women are equal but God has made them different to reflect the polarity of His nature and His purposes for us. Let us celebrate those differences and by doing so celebrate the full nature of our glorious God.

The third and final worldview is dualism espoused by Plato: the body and thought/spirit are separate, with the thought/spirit being the true self and the body a hindrance. This was then refined in Descartes' phrase "I think therefore I am." This view says that my existence, my true identity is what I think about myself. Hence my material sexed body is immaterial and gender is merely a state of mind.

This anti-Christ spirit was refuted in the letter of John. The godly Hebraic worldview is holistic - we are embodied spirits or spiritualised bodies. Our bodies express our true nature - they make visible the invisible. Being male expresses the transcendent quality of masculinity and being female expresses femininity. This is how we can understand God through what has been physically created as the physical realm is a shadow of the heavenly reality. The physical world reflects spiritual truths.

In future posts on this topic we will take time to explore the richness of masculinity and femininity and seek to honour both parts equally in our marriages, the body of Christ and the world. It is my hope and prayer that this will provide a plumbline for those like me who struggle with their sexuality, that it would lead to a deeper respect for the opposite sex as an equal image bearer of God and that it will help us to see God more fully.

Please note that I am in the process of moving "godly sexuality" and my other blogs/writings together under one website johnspencerwrites.com

Thursday, 15 September 2016

How to stop looking at women lustfully (godly desire)

*Content warning*

This post discusses desires in a frank but godly way.

how to stop looking at a woman lustfully

All Christian men know the passage:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Mt 5:28)

The problem is we don't know is how to stop this.

Sometimes it feels like we are wired to notice the bodies of others. In fact we can often be shocked at how much we can be aroused by just looking someone. But as a Christian man, we think "I'm a new creation - I'm not meant to feel this way!"

A brief internet search shows that we are not alone when looking for help to stop lusting after women:

However, the advice given seems to fall into one of three camps:

Condemnation/shame/works - you shouldn't do this, it doesn't honour God or the woman. Try harder, chop off everything that causes you to sin, etc.
Triumphalistic - you're a new creation, you're free from this, shake it off as it's the old you, repeat "I am the righteousness of Christ", etc.
Liberal/humanistic - it's natural, men are designed the polygamous, there's nothing you can do about it, accept it as part of who you are, etc.

As well meaning as all of these are, all of them are lacking:

Using internet filters to cut things off is helpful but ultimately it's external and doesn't change our heart. And you can't avoid going out in summer, nor filter the first accidental glance. Besides self-effort will ultimately fail as apart from Jesus we can do nothing (Jn 15:5). And so the cycle of shame will begin again and the more rubbish you feel the more you will act out of that identity.
Realising your new identity is important - it helps renew our mind (Rom 12:2), and how we act flows out of our new identity. But it's too easy to treat this as a formula: "I'm saying the right words but it's not working!" and miss intimacy with the father that changes our heart. It's also to easy to become inward rather than outward looking.
Whilst we do need to recognise how God has made us as men, we are not animals subject to our biological urges. We're made in the image of God and our sexuality means something.

So what can we do? How can we take the good in each of these approaches?

First we recognise that God has made us men and has wired us to notice beauty - so when you notice this happening don't try and suppress it or pretend it's not there. That won't solve anything. Acknowledge it, however realise that the woman is not the goal, but merely the shadow of who our hearts are really looking for.

Second we realise that we are made in the image of God and men are meant to love women sacrificially like Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). We have a higher calling: we are meant to give (love) not take (lust).

Thirdly, we men are made to act not just acknowledge our godly calling to give. After all we are meant to be co-workers with Christ (1 Cor 3:9). I have found the best way to do this is to pray for the woman we see. Something like:

"Father, I thank you for this beautiful woman. I thank you that you created her and that you love her. I thank you that you have made her to be loved and cherished. Father I ask that you would pour out your blessing on her, that she would become aware of your presence, that she would find her value in your love and not how she looks...."

This prayer is not a formula - it's from the heart. It's not a inward prayer "father help me to stop lusting!" which assumes we are still bound by our old identity as a sinner. It's a prayer from our new identity in Christ and in line with what we are meant to do as men.

The Kingdom is advancing - and seeing a beautiful woman is an opportunity for it to forcefully advance in our lives as we step into our destiny as men. Amen.

Part 2 of this series is now available here.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Wired for intimacy part 2 (godly sexuality)

We saw in our previous post that babies brains are pre-wired to see faces and in particular their initial focus of their eyes is designed to see only those who hold them close, such as the mother who feeds them. This is a shadow of the spiritual reality that we are designed to seek our Father's face who gives us our daily bread and the affirmation of His love for us.

Unlike other objects our brains process faces in a different part of the brain (the fusiform face area) which is dedicated to recognising faces. Furthermore this part of the brain is given priority over the other image processing areas in the brain, which is why we often see faces in things (called facial pareidolia):

Hence advertisers use faces in their images as it is an effective way of getting a viewer's attention. Using eye tracking software you can see below how we focus on faces and their eye gaze:

Hence the text gets more attention from viewers when the baby's eye gaze was in that direction.

Now the world will say that this must have developed as a survival technique - so we can spot the faces of a predator in the brush. However, we know that we are made in the image of God:

"As the Father, Son and Spirit have always know fellowship with each other, so we in the image of God are made for fellowship" Michael Reeves

We look into another's face to see the meaning behind their words and discover their true self - their nature and character. For, as we know, the eyes are the windows of the soul. Faces are needed if there is to be any intimacy.

Unlike animals*, we make love face-to-face this speaks of the fact that sex is meant to be an expression of intimacy† and it is no surprise that the Hebrew word for sexual intimacy, יָדַע (yada’), is literally translated as "Adam knew Eve" (Gen 4:1). And in its pure form there is “no shame” as there was complete openness, acceptance and intimacy.

Interestingly, research shows that those who have religious or paranormal beliefs are more prone to see faces in things than sceptics or unbelievers. This is a shadow of the fact that despite the intimacy of another no human can ever meet our need to be fully known.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Cor 13:12 emphasis mine)

Jesus is "the Desire of all nations" (Hag 2:7 NKJV). Jesus is the face that we are wired to seek.

*After extensive research I can only find two documented cases of animals having sex face-to-face. Both were gorillas and in both cases it was commented on that this behaviour was extremely unusual.

† It is no surprise that since the sexual revolution and the rise of pornography, where sex is seen to be just biological and devoid of meaning, there has been a corresponding rise in sex in positions that are not face-to-face. It is not about intimacy or connecting but satisfying our own urges and getting pleasure.

Thursday, 16 June 2016

God will never give you more than you can handle and other myths (teach your children godly sexuality part 17)

Welcome to the last post of our basic course "teach your children godly sexuality". We have looked at four principles:

Good - because our sexuality reflects the nature of our three in one God
Holy - because it reflects God it is not ordinary
As you walk along - we tell stories and answer questions in everyday life
Nothing is impossible - God can redeem all things and gives us wisdom for all situations

To finish this series I want to tackle the myth that "God wouldn't give you children if He didn't think you could handle it".

The hospital was clinically negligent during the birth of our first child. I remember the blood steadily dripping into the bucket, the junior doctor taking an age to stitch up my wife after the tears, the colour draining from my wife's face and then that doctor calling in for more help. As it was our first baby we thought this was normal. My wife's friends all said that a baby was wonderful and left her feeling inadequate. I was in a stressful job and was no support. Truth be told: I actually put more demands on her during this time. When she told the doctor about her depression he told her to pull herself together. She spiralled into clinical postnatal depression. She tried to kill herself and was taken into a psychiatric ward. I was left holding the baby and had no support from work. After pouring out my heart to my boss he told me he didn't want me staying at home moping and so I carried on going to my stressful work and had a nervous breakdown. This was the beginning of our parenting journey. This, along with the deaths of two of our children (Rachel and James) and the moment when my wife had packed up the car drove to my office and told me she was leaving, was one of the darkest periods in my life. I couldn't handle it.

You see the phrase implies that we have all it takes. That by striving hard or by having the encouragement of friends we can make it. It's simply not true.

If it was then we wouldn't have to ask God for anything as we'd be self-sufficient. We would be able to live independently of God. We'd be repeating Adam and Eve's sin of being the gods of our own lives. It is the spirit of pride. The same spirit that led to Satan's downfall.

The truth is we depend on God for everything. In Christ all things hold together (Col 1:17). We are breathing now because of Jesus. We're not independent - moment to moment we exist because of the grace of God.

When God chose the people of Israel for His own, He sought to train them up. As they travelled through the desert they had no food. They were dependent on God's manna from heaven. If they took more than they needed it would become full of maggots (Ex 16:20). They had to daily depend on God's provision.

Jesus summed this principle up when he taught us to pray:

"Give us today our daily bread" (Lk 11:3)

We have to ask God daily for what we need. It isn't given automatically. Daily we have to express our dependence on Him.

"I am the vine; you are the branches...apart from me you can do nothing" (Jn 15:5)

Doesn't this verse make you want to add a qualification to it? "Of course I can do some things - it's talking about spiritual things or it's talking about getting into heaven or...". Whatever you believe is the exception to this rule is where you believe you are independent of God†.

Let's return to raising godly children and teaching them about godly sexuality. All the principles in the world aren't going to achieve this. Only with God's help can we do this.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13 NKJV emphasis mine)

Did you know muscles only grow when they are damaged. It's the repairs of the microscopic tears that cause the growth. This is a physical reflection of a spiritual reality. Only when we are stretched beyond what we can bear do we grow. Why? Because then we acknowledge our dependence on Him and call on Him to transform us.

In life we will experience storms and anything built in our own strength will fall flat. Sometimes in His grace God will allow you to experience events that show our need for Him*. If we call on Him they become places of growth. If we don't they become places of destruction. I never want to repeat those dark days but I am genuinely grateful for them, as it pushed us into Him and our lives were transformed as a result.

There was the time my friend at church was distraught as their child was refusing to eat and nothing they could do was working. It had been several days and she was tearing her hair out. We cried out to God for help. We recognised that we couldn't do anything. We called out to Him and He transformed the situation. Their child began eating from that moment.

There was the time my middle daughter was experiencing night terrors. I as a Father could do nothing but call out to God and ask for help. But a quick prayer didn't seem to make a difference. I found I had to stay by her bedside praying in tongues for about 10 minutes, dependent on Him, before the transformation came and her cries in her sleep turned into squeals of laughter. And I had to repeat this every night for about a week.

All we need, all we have is found in Him. Run to Him daily and receive what you need. Amen.

†. It's part of the problem of living in the West with the deceitfulness of wealth (Mk 4:19) that we can end up disowning God (Prov 30:8-9) thinking we have it all. Why do you think the poor are rich in faith (Jas 2:5)? Because daily they realise their dependence on Him.
* Please understand that I don't believe God sends us trouble as He is a good father who gives us good gifts (Jas 1:17; Lk 11:11-13). However, in this fallen world we will experience trouble. And particularly since Satan hates marriage, sex and children (as they most reflect our God) he will seek to kill, rob and destroy them (Jn 10:10).

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Principle #4: Nothing is impossible (teach your children godly sexuality part 16)

We're on the last of our four principles in our current series on our basic course of "teach your children godly sexuality".

Previously we talked about communicating the goodness and holiness of sexuality to our children and then how we can do that in a holistic Hebrew way. Our last principle is a daily reminder that nothing is impossible for God (Lk 18:27).

In our last post we talked about how God can redeem all things no matter how dark they may seem. And redemption doesn't just remove the pain but transforms the memory or situation into a source of grace.

But God doesn't just transform past mistakes - He is working in our present parenting:

Jesus is wisdom incarnate

"...Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom..." (1 Cor 1:24b-25a)

There will be times when as parents we just don't know what to do. Our human wisdom has run out. But the end of our wisdom is just the beginning of God's.

One of our children kept getting out of bed at night. They would just come and stand on the landing. So we tried carrying them back to bed several times a night. We tried talking to them about it. Then we tried the getting cross. Then we tried putting a stairgate at their door so they couldn't come out their room - but they still get out of bed and stood at the barrier until they were so tired. We even tried smacking. None of these methods worked. They would still get up.

My wife and I fell on our knees in prayer before our all wise God, crying out "we don't know what to do!" I know, I know. We should have asked before. But this was our point of desperation. You could almost hear the Father saying "great! now I can do something". He gave us revelation. He simply said "leave his door open".

"I'm sorry? That's a crazy idea!"

Don't God's ideas sometimes seem completely irrational to our way of thinking? Rather like Naaman being told to wash in a dirty river to cure his leprosy (2 Kings:5:10-12). But you know what? We did it. Why? Because we were desperate and had run out of ideas. We admitted that without Him we could do nothing (Jn 15:5) .

So we left the door open and they stayed in bed. The same thing happened the next night and every night after that.

Something so simple, so "foolish" turned out to be the key.

I honestly think that had we not been at that point of desperation we would have dismissed such a thought as something stupid and certainly not of God. We would have simply assumed that God was silent. Perhaps being a desperate parent is a good thing, because it is only then are we able to receive all that God has for our children. After all, He loves them and knows them better than us.

What is it that you are desperate for answers for your child? Cry out to Jesus now - admit that you don't know and receive His wisdom.

Do you have a story of receiving God's wisdom for a situation with your children? Share it below to encourage other parents on their journey.

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Principle #4: Nothing is impossible (teach your children godly sexuality part 15)

Today we blog the last of our four principles from our basic course of "teach your children godly sexuality".

We have already covered that we need to communicate that sexuality is good and that it is holy. Then we looked at how we communicate these two messages in a holistic Hebrew way.

So what more do we need? We need to be reminded of Jesus' comment to the disciples:

“What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Lk 18:27)

So we need to fix our eyes on Jesus not on statistics or news stories or human thinking. We need to fill our minds with His great works and read testimonies of how Jesus does the impossible so our faith rises as we realise that He is able to do far more than we could ask or imagine.

God can renew all things

Nothing that happens is beyond God's ability to redeem. Whether we're struggling with something that happened in our upbringing or a sin that we committed. Or whether we worried for our children that have experienced some trauma or other experience. Nothing is impossible. God can renew all things so that like Joseph we can say:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen 50:20)

Let me give you an example from my own life. One scene from my childhood that used to hold me captive was where my earthly father lined me and brothers up to find out who had done something wrong. When all of us denied doing it I remember him screaming sarcastically how "Mr Nobody" had done it. I think that we were all punished but it's harder for me to remember that now as during a prayer time I was recalling this scene and asked for Jesus to show where He was. I saw Him lined up next to us boys and when my father asked who'd done it - Jesus stepped forward and said "I did". Not only has the pain of this memory been removed but it has now become transformed in a place of glorious encounter with Jesus.

Can you see that like Joseph, God is not just going to enable us to forget our pain or even just come to a place where we can forgive those who hurt us - He's going to transform the pain so that it becomes a source of grace. We see this also in Isaiah:

...and by his wounds we are healed (Isa 53:5b)

Jesus wounds are a source of grace to us. Jesus' wounds are not something he has to forget or erase or just forgive - they have become glorious. So much so that we see in Revelation 5 the whole of heaven worshipping the lamb who was slain.

This is true for us and our children - where there is wounding through relationships or sexuality there is not just healing available but there is a renewing so that it becomes a source of grace and healing to others. Why are my wife and I passionate about bringing help and healing to others in the area of sexuality? It's because we have received grace to deliver us and transform us from our sexual dysfunctions, abuse and addictions. So we are passing on the overflowing grace that we have received.

So be encouraged. Nothing is impossible for our God!

Don't live in fear or what may happen to your children, God is bigger. Yes we'll do our best - but we have a God who can transform even the worst situations.

Bringing about the changes

So if there's trauma in your life or your children's then seek help. We recommend sozo, restoring the foundations, liebusters and freedom in Christ as great places to find healing and transformation.

If there's sin then confess it - bring it into the light. He already knows - but there is something powerful about confessing it that brings healing (Jas 5:16a). Be honest with God: I remember a conversation with God I had many years ago where I was honest with Him about how I liked a particular sin. There was such power released by that admission - much more than a "pretending" which never touched my heart. It was then that change began to happen in my life. Even more powerful is confessing with other brothers and sisters in Christ. An army doesn't send in one soldier at a time to battle the enemy. They go together - so too with us fighting against sin.

Confessing sin destroys its power over us. It wants to keep us ashamed and isolated. So too with our children - keep the channels open and withhold judgement - we want to be someone they can come to when they get in a mess. As their confession will help set them free. And if we want them to confess to us then we should be modelling confession to them. I regularly have to apologise to my children for the times when I "lose the plot". This doesn't undermine my authority as a father - rather it shows that there is a higher authority that I submit to. And as a result because of this my children feel able to confess their problems to me and receive forgiveness.

Finally, with regard to sins that we as parents committed growing up we naturally want our children to not repeat the same mistakes that we did - but instead of being honest with them it's so tempting to hide our past and so deny our children the grace we've received. We can end up saying things like "don't do that..." which is powerless to help them change (Col 2:20-23). Instead we need to reveal a little of our past to them - this doesn't mean we tell them everything - but at the very least we can say "I made some mistakes that I regret and I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did". We can then tell them of the changes that God has brought about. Suddenly our past is a source of grace for our children rather than something hidden and replaced with law.

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Principle #3 As you walk along (teach your children godly sexuality part 13)

We have now seen that when teaching sexuality we should ensure that our answers walk the line between declaring it's goodness and also it's holiness. The third principle looks at the how we communicate these truths.

The first problem we have is that in our culture we have absorbed what is called the Platonic divide. That is that there is the important spiritual realm and the separate and less important physical realm.

In an earlier post or on this YouTube video we saw how this view had corrupted understanding of the value of our bodies and our sexuality.

However it also created the so-called sacred/secular divide in our worldview. Sacred stuff such as meditation, prayer and going to church are important but everyday stuff such as paying bills and shopping is not.

We can therefore see church on Sunday as important and the rest of the week as mundane.

We can have our family “devotion” time and then the rest of our time is unspiritual.

Similarly we can end up having “the talk” about sex from a Christian point of view separate from everyday life.

However, this is not the Hebrew godly view of the world that has no divide (or if you prefer posh words it is holistic or theocentric). This view is that God is intimately involved in everything. He didn’t create the world, wind it up and then stand back to watch (except for the occasional special event). For example:

“in [Jesus] all things hold together” Col 1:17b
“The Son is...sustaining all things by his powerful word” Heb 1:3
“My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working.” Jn 5:17

It is not God’s involvement that can be limited, but only our awareness of it*.

For example, it was only when Moses was just tending sheep but when he met God there it became holy ground that he had to take his sandals off (Ex 3:1-5).

When Jacob ran away and feel asleep exhausted on a rock he encountered God through a dream and awoke saying “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” He renamed the place bethel which means “house of God” and anointed the rock with oil (Gen 28:10-18).

Similarly any place or an event has the opportunity of becoming "holy" when we encounter God in it. For us, one such moment was on the day we discovered that one of our babies had died. This was the second of our babies to die and we were distraught. More so, because the hospital was so uncompassionate. My wife and I had decided to name our baby James and we drove in a darkened daze to a garden centre to buy a tree to plant in our garden so we could remember him. We were directed by one of the staff to the apple trees to discover they only had one type of tree in stock. Its name? James Grieve. The love and compassion of God crashed into our grief torn hearts and made it a holy moment that remains with us now 7 years later.

How does this relate to teaching our children? Recall the passage in Deuteronomy where it says:

“Listen, Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! You must love the LORD your God with your whole mind, your whole being, and all your strength. These words I am commanding you today must be kept in mind, and you must teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up. You should tie them as a reminder on your forearm and fasten them as symbols on your forehead. Inscribe them on the doorframes of your houses and gates.” Dt 6:4-9

If we read this with a dualistic mindset we will think this means "teach our children the bible" wherever we go. But if we understand that God is everywhere, that everything was made for Jesus (Col 1:16) and the “heavens declare the glory of God” (Ps 19) then this will mean that everywhere we go the glory of God is there ready to be discovered and shared with our children. Not as a lecture but as a beautiful celebration of the glory of God.

For example we might see a flower opening we could share with our children how that reminds us that we need to open ourselves up to the Son who shines His love on us and warms our hearts.

Specifically because we’re made in His image our sexuality reflects the glory of our Three-in-One God there is nothing else that can tell us so much about God!

So we won’t have “the talk” but lots of “talks” in the messiness of everyday life as it comes up. Each time celebrating the glory of our God that is revealed. Nothing heavy but just a conversation simply delighting in the way God made it good and holy.

More to come in the next post....

*I'm sure I got this phrase from a book - but I can't remember which of the many books I've read! If you know then please tell me via the comments and I'll properly credit the author. Thanks!

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Principle #2: Holy (Teach your children godly sexuality part 12)

So far in this course we have looked at how two principles: our sexuality is both good and holy. We're now going to apply both of these principles to two of the four broad areas that arise with children aged 2-11:

Exploration/questions about their bodies
Questions about growing up/parents bodies
What does it mean to be male/female?
Where do babies come from?

For each of these areas I give some examples of common situations that arise. For each scenario I have also included a fairly typical parental response.

First I would like you to see what message the typical parental response is giving and what the consequences of that response will be. Then I would like you to come up with a response that both brings out the holiness of God's creation whilst also positively affirming/blessing its goodness.

Let's recap the example we looked at in a previous post:

For example:
Your son/daughter (age 4) has his/her hand down his pants/knickers and is gently playing with their genitals.

A typical parental response would be to say:
"What do you think you’re doing? Stop that at once – it’s disgusting!"

What is the message that this response is giving?
Well firstly the response forgets that this is a child who has no idea that what they're doing has any "adult" sexual connotations. It simply feels nice and comforting. So the parent's reaction will seem quite over the top to their child. Coupled with this will be the message that either feeling nice is bad or my genitals are bad or both and is likely to lead to guilt or shame about their sexuality or sexual feelings. In addition, it will make them unlikely to come to you if they have any questions or concerns in the future - which will lead them to seek answers elsewhere which may be inappropriate.

So what is a better response?
Firstly, we need to affirm that that God made our sexual organs pleasurable as a gift to us (however, this is not the full response - but you'll have to wait until the next post before we can do that!) and then we need to point to the true meaning of the gift (ie its holiness). So a response might start something like this (goodness in green and holiness in purple):

"I see that you're touching your ..."
...
"Does it feel nice?"
...
"Did you know that God made our ... to feel nice?"
...
"Yes it's true. Daddy God gave you this gift to share with your husband/wife when you grow up because it will help you experience the joy in Heaven when the world was made."

I hope this helps you see the kind of conversation we're going for. Honest, affirming its goodness and the true meaning. More details on the how to communicate will be covered in the third principle that will be blogged in the next post.

OK, your turn now. Here are some situations and a typical parental response.
Identify what message the current response gives and its consequence and then be. Then I would like you to come up with a response that positively affirms the goodness of our sexuality and displays its holiness/true meaning.

Exploration/questions about their bodies

You catch your daughter flashing her knickers to the boys.

Current response: stop that at once! We don’t flash show our private parts to other people!

You catch your child taking clothes off with a friend

Current response: Put your clothes on! God says you only take off your clothes with your wife!

Your child finishes a story with ‘Johnny was mucking around again at school. He's such a dick!’

Current response: I never want to hear such filthy language again – go to your room!

Where do babies come from?
Your son aged 8 asks “But how does a baby get inside mummy?”

Current response: The man puts his willy inside mummy’s vagina.

The balance between the two principles of goodness and holiness is key. Saying it's good without mentioning holiness (like the world) will just lead to indulgence. Saying it's holy without mentioning its goodness (like the church has done but with a legalistic view of holiness) leads to shame. Mentioning both is the secret to all our conversations with our children.

In our next post we'll look at the third principle of teaching our children godly sexuality: "As you walk along..." which covers the how in more detail.

Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Principle #2: Holy (Teach your children godly sexuality part 11)

We have seen in the previous three posts that sexual intercourse is holy as it reflects the oneness and intimacy in the trinity, it is the seal of the marriage covenant and it points to the ecstasy of our future union with Christ.

Since our sexual intimacy is Holy it needs to be treated as such. It is a precious gift for the one we marry and ultimately a gift for Jesus:

Give honour to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.
Heb 13:4a

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride
SoS 4:12a

If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower.
But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.
I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers . When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.
SoS 8:9-10 NLT

We see this in Scripture: it is not prudish but it does treat sexuality with respect. It uses "to know" (yada) for sexual intercourse in marriage as a reflection of the deepest unity. And "to lie down" (shakav), "stretch out" (raba) or "crouch down" (kara) for non-marital sex. Also genitals are never mentioned explicitly but are alluded to instead. For example “thigh” (yārēk) in Gen 24:2 in Gen 47:29 and Num 5:22 used for testicles*, “feet” (regel in Isa 7:20, and perhaps also in Ruth...) for a man's genitalia.

Before we apply this second principle to real life situations we’re again going to spend a little time reflecting on the inheritance we’ve received from our parents and the church about the holiness of our sexuality:

How was the holiness of sexuality conveyed to you by your parents and/or the church?
Was it communicated as a beautiful thing of intimacy and our future marriage to Christ or as something shameful?

How did that make you feel about sexually intimacy?

Satan is the "father of lies" (Jn 8:44) who seeks to "steal and kill and destroy" (Jn 10:10).

Ask the Holy Spirit to highlight specific occasions where you believed a lie.

We need to replace lies with truth so that we can be transformed (Rom 12:2) and that truth will set us free (Jn 8:32).

Ask Jesus, the truth, to speak the truth about his holy gift into each of these situations.

How have these lies affected your marriage and your response to your children’s sexuality?

Ask the Father to restore what has been lost and make it new (Isa 61).

Finally, if there is some shame or unconfessed sin in your past that is affecting your marriage and your responses to your children then confess it and receive the Father’s forgiveness, asking him to “cut off” any joinings and restore your whole self for your (future) spouse.

My prayer for you is that our glorious God meets with you and bring you healing and transformation.
After this it important to maintain and walk in the freedom you have received and how we act flows out of what we believe ("For as he thinks in his heart so is he" Prov 7:23a NKJV). One way to help you replace core beliefs is to write down the truths that you have learned and declare them aloud as faith comes by hearing the word of God (Rom 10:17). In the same way when Jesus was being attacked about his identity ("if you are the Son of God") he quoted scripture out loud (Mat 4:3, 6).

If you need further help then I do recommend a Sozo, or Restoring the Foundations, Freedom in Christ or liebusters.org as helpful ministries. Take the time to do this because as I've said before - we can't pass on wholeness if we ourselves are not whole. We're seeking restoration for our children and future generations. We are making a stand now that will impact the rest of our family line.

Feel free to comment below or if you prefer to ask something privately then do contact us via our website.

Next time we will apply both principles to common scenarios faced when parenting.

*placing a hand on the testicles of the person was a solemn oath. It's where we get the word "testify" from. You'll probably never be able to use that word in the same way again. Sorry about that.

Thursday, 31 December 2015

Principle #2: Holy (Teach your children godly sexuality part 10)

We saw in our previous post that marriage is an exclusive covenant relationship between a man and a woman which reflects the intimate relationship between the father and the son.

However, it is also a prophetic declaration of the relationship that Jesus wants to have with us:

For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;he is called the God of all the earth.

Isa 54:5

This is why Jesus refers to himself as the bridegroom (Lk 5:34-35 also Mt 9:15; Mk 2:19-20) and John the Baptist refers to himself as the friend of the bridegroom (Jn 3:29). And we, the Church, are his promised bride:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Eph 5:31-32

Jesus proposed to us using the traditional Hebrew wedding ritual:

The arrangements preliminary to betrothal (Shiddukin)

The father approves a bride for his son often long before the couple were of marriageable age . In our case God the Father chose us to be His Son’s bride before the Creation of the world (Eph 1:4, Jn 6:44).

The rite of betrothal (erusin)

When the groom comes of age he would go to the young woman’s home and present to her and her father the written marriage covenant (ketubah), which details the terms of the proposed marriage.

Jesus came to the home of his bride (Earth) to present his marriage contract – the new covenant, which provides for the forgiveness of sins (Jer 31:31-34) written on our hearts.

This also includes the bride price (mōhar). In our case Jesus pays for us with his life (Lk 22:20; 1 Pet 1:18-19; 1 Cor 6:19b-20a).

The prospective groom then pours a glass of wine (the cup of the covenant) for the young woman. By drinking it she indicates her acceptance and the couple are now betrothed. This is legally binding, like marriage, but is not yet consummated^[1]. Jesus sealed is betrothal to us with the cup of the covenant at the last supper (Lk 22:20).

Before the groom left he would give a speech to his bride (the engagement promise) that he would come to claim her soon after he has prepared a new home for her. Hence Jesus says:

“In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” Jn 14:2-3

Finally, the groom gives a bridal gift (matan^[2]), to his wife as his pledge of love for her and a reminder that he is thinking of her and will return to receive her as his wife. For us, Jesus gives us the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:7-8; Acts 2:38) as he returns to his father’s house.

The betrothal period (kiddushin^[3])

During this period of typically a year the groom will prepare the bridal chamber where they will consummate their marriage and build a new dwelling place for his bride.

The bride will undertake a ritual immersion (mikvah) to symbolise her turning aside from all the former things and starting a new life with her beloved. Our ritual immersion is baptism (Rom 6:3-6; Eph 5:26-27).

She would also make her wedding garments (kittel). Our garments are robes of righteousness (Isa 61:10; Rev 19:8).

The wedding ceremony (nisuin^[4])

When the father of the groom approves the bridal chamber and new home, the groom would go to fetch his bride. Whilst the bride knew the approximate timing, the exact day or hour was uncertain, so she and her bridesmaids had to be continually ready for his arrival. One of the bridegroom’s party would go ahead and shout “Behold, the bridegroom comes” followed by the sounding of the ram’s horn trumpet (shofar). When the wedding procession reached the bride’s house the groom would “steal” the bride and carry her back to his father’s house to meet the guests, share a second cup of wine and then enter the bridal chamber to consummate their marriage under the chuppah^[5].

The groom tells the best man when it is consummated who then announces it to the guests waiting outside. The guests would then celebrate for 7 days until the bride and bridegroom emerged from the wedding chamber honeymoon at which point they would participate in the marriage supper given in honour of the newlyweds. Finally, the couple would leave for the home that bridegroom had prepared.

When the Father chooses (Mk 13:32-33) Jesus will return for his bride with a shout and a trumpet (1 Thess 4:16) return to His father’s house where we will share the second cup of wine (Mt 26:28-29) and He will take us to His chuppah and we will become fully known (1 Cor 13:12) – the language of one flesh (Eph 5:31-32).

Our greatest moment is described as the ecstasy of sex when we shall say “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (SOS 6:3) and experience the “pleasures at His right hand” (Ps 16:11b) where “our souls will be satisfied as with the richest of foods” (Ps 63:5a)

We will then emerge from the wedding chamber and participate in the wedding supper (Rev 19:9) and go to our home in the new Jerusalem (Rev 21:1-4).

There will no longer be marriage between people (Mt 22:30; Mk 12:25; Lk 20:35) as we are married to the Lamb. Our sexuality will find its ultimate fulfilment in Him, “the Desire of all nations” (Hag 2:7 NKJV). Hence in this world we will not find ultimate satisfaction in our spouse (or any other part of creation):

If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.
C. S. Lewis

So every act of sex prophetically points to this beautiful wedding consummation with our Beloved. How much more holy can it get?

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
    For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad
    and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
    and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean,
    was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” Rev 19:6-9

[1] The man would need a religious divorce to annul the contract. For example Joseph seeking to divorce Mary, his betrothed, in Mt 1:18-25.

[2] The bridal gift, matan, is Charismata in Greek, which is used for the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

[3] This means “sanctification”, ie to be “set apart” (1 Pet1:2; 2 Thess 2:13; 1 Cor 6:11).

[4] This means “lift up” or “carry” since the bride was carried to the ceremony during the “home taking” in a carriage lifted by poles or on an animal.

[5] This was a rectangular piece of material, often the Jewish prayer shawl (tallit from Num 15:38), that would be attached to four poles above the bed. Representing God's presence hovering over them witnessing the covenant.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Principle #2: Holy (Teach your children godly sexuality part 8)

In the previous three blog posts (1 2 3) we've been discussing the first principle of teaching your children godly sexuality: communicate its goodness.

And it was declared to be very good (Gen 1:27) as our sexuality images our Three-in-One God.

Now, the lie that the world tells us is that we’re just clever animals. Therefore sex doesn’t mean anything; it’s just an ordinary act to meet a biological urge.

The truth is actually the complete opposite and the opposite of ordinary is holy.

Holy means “set apart” and totally different from the ordinary; hence we have holy-days, ie holidays, which are different from our ordinary (work) days.

The way Hebrew communicates more and most is by repeating the word. So:

holy holy = more holy

holy holy holy = most holy

Which is why God is referred to as “holy holy holy” (Is 6:3; Rev 4:8) as He is the most holy.
So the flip side of our the goodness of our sexuality imaging God is that it is also holy.

However, if you’re anything like me then you have probably heard a message of "sex being holy" as a synonym for a heavy talk where all the consequences of not keeping it holy are made clear. Is that it? Is holiness just a reaction to the evils of the world?

No! This view comes from a misunderstanding of our the nature of our Holy God. Yes, holiness means being set apart and since God is holy He is set apart from me and the world...

"...but there our troubles begin, because naturally I think I'm lovely. So if God is 'set apart' from me, I assume the problem is with him. His holiness looks like a prissy rejection of my happy, healthy loveliness...the reality is that I am the cold, selfish, vicious one, full of darkness and dirtiness. And God is holy - 'set apart' from me - precisely in that he is not like that."*

The Father is perfectly loving and intimate with His Son and so much so that compared to our love for our children, Jesus says:

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Lk 11:13

This is one reason why Jesus was so angry with the religious Pharisees – as they misrepresented the nature of our loving and gracious God; they made Him into a angry, judgemental nit-picker.

So over this and the next two posts we'll look at just three aspects of our sexuality that reveal something of the holiness of our God. And it is my prayer that you get captivated by the "beauty of the LORD" (Ps 27:4).

Firstly it has been set apart by God to reflect the inseparable oneness and intimacy of the Trinity.

Jesus said:

“Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me” Jn 14:11

There is an intimate oneness in the Trinity and as the Body of Christ we are meant to be an earthly physical representation of that oneness - in the same way that Jesus was a physical representation of the Father so that whoever saw Him had seen the Father (Jn 14:9).

Jesus prayed for the disciples that:

“they may be one as we are one” Jn 17:11

And he prayed for us that:

“all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you...that they may be one as we are one” Jn 17:21-22

Since we are the Body of Christ - we are meant to be the physical representation of Christ and as such our unity and oneness will show the world (Jn 17:22, 23) that we are like Jesus who was one with the Father.

Similarly, since male and female were created in the image of God (Gen 1:27) they are a physical representation of the nature of our Three-in-One God. Hence we saw that man was first made one (Gen 2:7) and then from that oneness man was made two (Gen 2:21-22) but designed to become “one flesh” again (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:6a) to image our God (Father, Son and Spirit) who is Three but one.

However, since God is Spirit (Jn 4:24), he breathed his Spirit into us (Gen 2:7) - so we are embodied spirits and are composed of not only a body, but also a soul and a spirit†.

But it is a mistake to think that our soul (which is often thought to be our intellect, will and emotions) and spirit are somehow separate from our bodies. This dualistic thought has Greek not Hebraic origins (see our video on YouTube here). This would mean that the real us is our soul/spirit and not our body. The Hebraic worldview is holistic: there is no separation between the spiritual and physical worlds and there is no separation between the physical self and the soul/spiritual self (which of course mirrors the idea of the Trinity being one - even with Jesus now eternally made flesh). Our bodies are physical expressions of our soul/spirit and we would be incomplete without them - which is why we too will have a bodily resurrection rather than becoming angelic spirits‡.

Now given that we are integrated beings, when we become "one flesh" there is a joining or bonding not only of our bodies, but also of our soul and our spirits.

The physical joining is obvious - God designed men and women to fit together perfectly.

On the next level there are a number of God designed chemicals to create an emotional bonding: oxytocin (which creates that feeling of bonding and trust), dopamine (a reward hormone which causes the brain to make connections to crave this cocaine-like rush) and PEA (a stimulant like ecstasy or speed).

But unlike the animals there is also a spiritual joining by God Himself:

“Haven't you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mt 19;4-6

Paul also talks of this spiritual joining in 1 Corinthians 6 and says that:

"do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, 'The two will become one flesh.' But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him."

We, who are "temples of the Holy Spirit", have our spirits joined to anyone we have had sex with**. Some Christians can think this is far fetched††. I can only testify to the tangible effects I have seen when praying with people to break (ie loose - see Mt 18:18) these "soul ties". There is a severing that not only sets people free from previous relationships that they "couldn't get over" but also changes them to be more whole and complete and thus more able to be joined properly to their future spouse.

This is why the Hebrew word for sexual intimacy, יָדַע (yada’), is literally translated as "Adam knew Eve" (Gen 4:1). Unlike the Greek worldview where "to know" something is merely intellectual, the Hebraic/Biblical view of "knowing" is always experiential. There is a deep experience from this "one flesh" joining that connects us in no other way. And in its pure form there is “no shame” as there was complete openness, acceptance, intimacy with nothing hidden.

So we see that, as Rabbi Shmuley Boteach says, “Sex is the ultimate bonding process” which God is involved in to create a vision of His Holy Self: male, female and Spirit as one like Father, Son and Spirit are One‡‡.

This oneness is so complete and so intimate that Paul says:

“he who loves his wife loves himself” Eph 5:28

Since there is this joining then what affects one affects the other.

The best example I have experienced of this deep joining is when my wife was undergoing a sozo prayer session. I was in another room and found myself undergoing all sorts of emotions from jubilation to fear and back again. When we met together after her session she discussed the journey of healing that the Spirit led her on and it coincided exactly with the emotions that I had been experiencing.

Sex is certainly not ordinary.

*Quoted from "The Good God: Enjoying Father, Son and Spirit" by Michael Reeves. I cannot recommend this book enough if you want to end up on your face in worship of our beautiful Three-in-One God.

†God “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Gen 2:7) and God’s breath represents the Holy Spirit (eg Job 33:4; Jn 20:22) - indeed the Hebrew words for breath and spirit, רוּחַ and נְשָׁמָה , both can mean spirit and breath. And spirit and soul are not the same thing - otherwise the word of God would not be able to divide between them (Heb 4:12).

‡The best book I've found so far on helping distinguish between dualistic Greek and the holistic Hebraic/biblical view is Harold R. Eberle's "Christianity Unshackled".

**Another biblical example of this effect would be Shechem who after having sex with Dinah found his soul "cleaved" to her (Gen 34:2-3).

††Although it is very well known to Satanists, witchdoctors and occultists who use the joining to gain control over people's spirits. It seems that we Christians having been blinded by society/Satan and do not realise the power of this joining.

‡‡Some of the ideas presented her were first inspired by "Sacred Sex" by Tim Gardner. It's a good start but if you want to delve deeper into this whole area then Christopher West's exposition of Pope John-Paul II's "Theology of the Body" is an absolute must.

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Sunday, 1 January 2017

10. Discipline vs punishment vs education (godly parenting)

9. Destination sickness (godly desire)

8. Wired for intimacy part 1 (godly sexuality)

7. Redeeming Christmas (Godly Parenting)

6. Calling out your child's true identity (godly parenting)

5. How to stop looking at women lustfully (godly desire)

4. Trump, Clinton or Christ?

3. Nothing is impossible (teach your children godly sexuality part 15)

2. An alternative ending to the Orlando shooting

1. Immature giftings (Godly Parenting)